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December 08 Well after a long, long time of nothing. I have decided to write something, not just because I am bored sitting in a Super 8 motel in the northern city of Fort Nelson. Though that’s a big reason, but I also started reading old chat logs from about this time last year. And they reminded me on how much I enjoyed writing these short little blogs that only really meant anything to me. Haha.
Now I am in quite a different state of mind altogether then I was a year ago. One year ago, give or take a little bit I was stuck in a rut that was so deep I didn’t know if I would ever get out of it. I kind of drank way to much, even though I never spent barely anything, due to a over zealous and ridiculously rich friend. And I didn’t care about my job at all, and in the end didn’t stick around that long.
I am proud to say that time in my life is over and a long ways behind me, due to the fact that I met an amazing girl that turned my life around for the better. Her attitude on life drew me in like no other could ever do. And I am still there being taken in be all that she is :D
 January 31  A word, a thought, a feeling. These three things if used appropriately, and at the right time can start a conversation that can last a lifetime. This is a statement that is quite often put aside, and forgotten. And not because no one cares about it, but just that it really is just forgotten...
How can one word start a conversation? Well some would say that this is easy, but would that conversation be worthwhile, or just a way to waste time waiting for something else to come along. The one word that I am thinking of would all depend on the thought that came before the word in question. And if the feelings behind that word in question were truly meant at all.
Now.. A question arises from this little rambling of mine. Can a word spoken from a person have meaning it there wasn't any feelings or thought put behind it to begin with? Its all kind of confusing, and seems trivial, but it crossed my mind as I laid on my bed falling in and out of concrescence listening to music this evening. its kind of useless to think about it cause you can never truly know forsure. But you can be rest assured that if someone puts up the effort to speak, it must mean something...
As for the Word... Thats totally up to you |  |
January 09
Haven't written for such a long time, thought it would be appropriate that I put something down.
Christams was great, New years was even better. Lots of food, Drinks, and Friends and Family. It was almost a good time to lose my job, even though it was during the holiday season, and I couldn't do for everyone what I really wanted to. But it gave me time to Reflect.. Find new meaning and just be around people that I care about. Thats all I have for now  This week I am going to actrually sit down And write something cause theres lots ideas I wanna write about. Quote of the day: However far you go pass me in science, I will always pass you on the road ____*Insert Name* December 11
Well... I lost my Phone, Lost my Job, and now I have lost all perspective on my goals in life. I am just kind of lost in my own undoing. I was told that I didn't give enough heart into what I was doing. Well then, give me something that I love, and I will give everything I have. Give me something I don't thoroughly enjoy and will give a lackluster attempt. Is it even possible to give 100 percent to everything you do? Maybe for some, but if the love for something isn’t' there, neither is the heart. These would be considered the same in most cases, but in my situation they are in different rooms. With conjoining doors, that can only be opened with the right set of keys. These keys seem to have been missing for quite a while...
I think today will be set aside for re-examining what I want to do in life. Trying to figure out where I want to be in 6 months, or 1 year, or even 5-10 years from now. What Do I want to be? That’s got to be the hardest question to answer. I thought I had it figured, but I am not sure if I want something that can look really good on a resume or something that can look really good to me. Do I want to waste 4 years, Or will it be in my best interest to go through with it. I don't want to come out of school, and not wanting to continue on with a job that I just trained for. I have already done that once, that that was enough for me. I am starting to become interested in other ideas, but time is dwindling down and I have to make a decision soon.
Let the rest of the today bring something good, and maybe some Dumplings December 07
Does everyone out there have that special person? I sure hope so... But if they don't I sure hope they know who they want it to be. I send out a plea to everyone out there to not hold back on what your feeling. You only have one chance at life to get things right, or attempt to make them right. After that one chance it could be a long time before another one arrives, and regrets are not a thing worth living though. Even if that person may not feel the same way, their is no way of knowing if you don't take the risk and put yourself out there. If anything, your gesture could put a smile that someone’s face knowing that someone feels that way about them. It could hurt at first if the feelings are not mutual, but at least you would know the truth, Which will end up easing the pain in the end.
1. At least 2 people in this world love you so much they would die for you.
2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way.
3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you.
4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you.
5. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep.
6. You mean the world to someone.
7. If not for you, someone may not be living.
8. You are special and unique.
9. Someone that you don't even know exists loves you.
10. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it.
11. When you think the world has turned its back on you, take a look: you most likely turned your back on the world.
12. When you think you have no chance of getting what you want, you probably won't get it, but if you believe in yourself, probably, sooner or later, you will get it.
13. Always remember the compliments you received. Forget about the rude remarks.
14. Always tell someone how you feel about them; you will feel much better when they know.
There’s a couple in there I hope are true to there fullest potential. And there are some I know are very true. But That’s all for now..
December 06
Wednesdays... there better then Tuesdays, but not as good as Thursdays. And there way better then Mondays. Its too bad that every day couldn't be the best day. Maybe sometime in the future everything will eventually fall into place, in such a perfect way that every day could be the best day. Even if something awful were to happen, or there was a bad day, it wouldn't even matter. To get to this day will take some time, and some careful steps, and a bit of Luck to assure it happens. And most importantly, it will need someone, or maybe a few to help me get there. Even if they don't help me in any direct way, there being there will be enough. Just even having the thought that you have a loved one or loved ones can make a difference in the day to day life. The rest is all up to you, and how you choose to live it, and make it through life. You have to decide weather you want to take life head on, and not worry what some may think, or let something from the past slow you down... To let someone decide your future could be detrimental if that ideal future was not of your own making. The future is still uncertain, and who knows how it will turn out. But I will am going to try my best to make it how I see fit!
.... Annnnd my Back reaaally hurts right now. haha December 05 
My work right now is extremely shitty, not to sound like a downer but it’s the truth. A new girl started today so I got booted to the back warehouse. Now I cannot even access msn, nor check my email until later this afternoon, when I install some programs to bypass all my works stupid firewall blocks...GRR
I can't wait to put in my letter of resignation. Or maybe I won't even do that, I don’t know how much longer I can stand coming to a job that gets me down. Looking at the clock and hoping that it will miraculously turn five is not something I am very fond of doing.
At the moment, all it seems I can do right now is to write. Which seems to help quite a bit. It gives me sense of peace, and tares me away from the world that is my Job. I wouldn’t even mind working at a job that pays less if I enjoyed going to it. It makes such a difference if you want to go to work, and you want to be there. To hate your job means that you will never give 100% of yourself to it. This is bad for yourself and your employer.
As my work days draw to a close. I can't help but wonder what the evenings will bring. Will it be full of excitement or will I go on some sort of an adventure with friends. Or will I just end up staying home, listening to music to settle my nerves. Whatever the nights bring let us hope that they are all good ones, because no one likes an uneventful or unhappy Night.
The Sun was so Bright today, it must have been -1 outside. Seeing how I was able to walk around outside with only my T-shirt on, and no coat. It’s the best of both worlds when you can enjoy winter in all its glory. The Snow covered hill presents a smooth unscathed landscape that hides any flaws that Mother Nature may have endured during the summer months. As the sun shines up the snow it reflects with an intense yet beautiful force, which made me glad I had my trusty sunglasses today.
Sorry for such a long blogs lately. Ever since I have been carrying my little note pad around I seem to write much more frequently. Its not just the convenience, but that it also gives me the opportunity to write down feelings and thoughts in real time. Which I find to be quite a good fall back option when I’m not in the right place to talk to someone. I will now tell my note pad what I want to say at the time, or what I want to say for later. Its like a key to the bottle, so nothing ever gets shut in, and is always out in the open. Even though not everyone may happen to see it. All that matters is that I see it, and I know that it’s somewhere...
Well that was alot of differnt ideas. I was just couldn't keep my mind set on one thing today..
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December 04 Near and Dear
The daily grind seems to make people forget of all the things close and dear to them. Having something or someone day in and day out can start to feel normal, which in turn is a great feeling, and is one that should be able to last forever. To lose that safety net for a short time can be an excellent experience to realize what you hold dear and near to your heart. It could show you a new path that previously wouldn’t have been visible from your previous perspective on things.
Personally when I lose something that has such an impact on my life or has just become a customary thing, it’s like a chunk of my soul has been broken off and thrown away. For example, this weekend I lost my phone, which in my case is a huge deal. Not only because it’s worth over 500 dollars. But that I instantly lost that connection with so many people that are near to my heart. Now I know that there our always phones around me to keep in touch. Only there is nothing like chatting with a friend all day, even while I’m at work, haha. That sounds bad, but it makes the day that much better. I have a new phone on the way, so that chunk in my soul will be once again restored. And I will always remember how much I really do enjoy chatting with friends.
Rundown on the Rundown
What a weekend this was though. I was up for 36 hours straight… It all started at five in the morning, because apparently I had to be at work early for some reason….. Still trying to figure that one out considering it was such a slack day. After work I made my way over the ski hill where we spent a good 3 hours getting the Sno Cat off the hill where it had broken down. Then we spent another 3 hours just fixing the problem. And if you would like to know the problem, it wouldn’t start and we blew up a 10,000psi hydraulic line. Yeah don’t ask, haha. After it was all fixed and ready to go, I gave Lukey a call, and he came up to give me hand with grooming the hill. This lasted till 9am. Now the sad part of the night was on the last pass down on the hill, I had to get out of the Sno Cat, but in doing so I pushed my poor phone out of the cab. Which had been sitting between my legs so I could catch everyone’s Texts. Then I proceeded to drive over my phone with the Cat/Groomer. So I think it’s pretty highly unlikely that I will ever see that poor poor phone ever again.
Later that morning I went home, grabbed a bite to eat and returned to the hill to get in some good riding time on my freshly groomed ski hill. Which was excellently groomed
After my day of riding I finally had a chance to catch some shut eye, but not for too long because at 11 is when the infamous Redhead was coming over to begin the “Broke Back Mountain Adventure”. The night was spent playing one of the finniest drinking games ever, drink Vodka Shots and Caesars, Staying warm in my mountain of magical Blankets. And being super amazingly lazy on Sunday. Which was full of some antics from Dane cook which I had on my computer and some plain old talking.
For a better explaination, check this out http://luvme4whoiam.spaces.live.com/blog/cns!49723D4A24787755!442.entry
All in all, it was a great weekend. Even though I lost my baby.
And I think it was 7-8 shots each Haylie, haha December 03 48 Hour Weekend with 8 hours of sleep. And I am not tired at all, seeing how I am probably sooo over tired I can't comprehand how tired I really am.
I will write some more later this week when its not soo late. But for now a quick run down:
- Stayed up 30 hours working at the Ski Hill
- Lost my Palm Treo  - Went Snowboarding all day Saturday - Play a Drinking Game with the RedHead, which involved BBM(I will explain later  ....maybe) - And I was super Lazy Sunday! Well there is the quick rundown, lame Blog I know. But I feel my bed calling me from across my room, so I think I will reside to sleeping at a decent time tonight. Laterz, Chase December 01  It was only -15 out today, which seems cold. But its a big step from the -40 that it was only a day ago. On the brighter side, I am climatized and am able to work in the cold with ease. But come Summer, theres gonna be whinning that its too damn hot, haha. ohhwell thats how it is in good old Dawson Creek. I was playing mind tricks with a fellow employee today, it was quite funny. He is a person that feels that if there is no eye contact, there is no hearing or recieving. So everytime he came up and felt like giving me some sort of instruction, I would just look past his should. Funny thing is that he kept on trying to move into the view of my eyes, haha. It was like dancing, just without the touchy part. It was quite amusing seeing this unfold before my very eyes. Watching people is a little thing I do to pass the time. You can learn so much about a person just by the way they hold them selfs, and portray them selfs to others. Usually I will have some kind of critisism, only cause It makes me laugh. I got nothing against anyone, it just amuses me for a small amount of time. Plus it always makes the people around me have a lil giggle. Though I don't want to get labled as the guy that makes fun of everyone, that wouldn't be best things to ever happen. LOL I had a Night Full of work and Gaming, so the thought process is a little lacking tonight. Tomorrow or the day after I will right something really deep |  |
November 26
Night Approaches and I haven't set a foot outside today. And now it seems that I am extremely restless, and want to go do something. Though its a little late for adventures tonight. The day brought nothing of excitement, but was full of non-stop Texts and random thoughts which kept me occupied and in an excellent mood.
This amazingly cold weekend was a break from the ordinary, only because a lot of my time was spent at the Local Robins Donuts. Don't judge me, it was really coldOn Friday I went on a Cinematic Adventure to the Local Theater, then proceeded to the RD's for some Hot Chocolate, and a Chocolate dip donut. The night was spent with Haylie and Listening to Victor the Mexican kid, and teaching him the Language of the Canadians. If you want a challenge try explaining the word "so" to someone.. its hard. haha. Saturday night was basically the same thing, only minus victor and add a bunch of other people. It was good fun, until they all decided to leave all at once. So me and the redhead talked for a good 3 hours and decided that we were losers and should go home... But not before making fun of a angry drunk white guy, and a super happy drunk native
I Didn't feel very insightful tonight, sorry
Chase
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November 24 
Its weird tonight, I can't really think of anything to write. I guess you could call it a writers block, but I know its more to do with my lack of sleep. So I have decided to write about nothing, which in its self is something. To do nothing can be interpreted so many different ways, and by so many different people. We all do it.. We sit on the computer, Chatting. And someone signs on and asks what your up to, then you reply with "nothing". Though in reality, your listening to music, typing like mad on the keyboard, watching the TV beside you, and reading your friends latest blog. All at the same time, which isn't really do much, but it sure isn't nothing....
Now when someone comes up to me and asks, "So what’s new with you". I usually reply with the usual "Ohh nothing much". But in truth, so much may have happened since the last meeting with this mysterious person. That they may not even be able to fathom, or comprehend what it is your trying to say. Plus, who wants to talk about so much stuff in such a short time frame of a few minutes. You need a Tim Horton’s and a French Vanilla/Hot Chocolate to talk about in-depth and possibly extremely long stories like that. This may sound trivial, but the more I write. The more that comes to the surface, and breaks through the tiredness that is my current state.
That’s something I haven't done in a long time either. Is have a good conversation with someone. Don't get me wrong, all the time I spend with friends we talk. But it’s just not the same as a one on one, mono e' mono. A chit chat that means something, and isn’t just talk. Even though Friendly banter is fun, and is what makes up our lives. Its not the stuff that can impact your life...
This feels unfinished, and I would love to write more. But its getting late, Yet again. And I must go to bed
Thanks for Reading all. Leave a comment if you like, I enjoy reading them.
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November 23
Tonight brought forth some awkward moments.. Well I shouldn't say awkward as much as they were just uncomfortable feelings. Someone very close to me just broke down, and started crying. Not of anything I had done, but what was just happening around her. I guess she may have felt that the problems that have been arising for a long time have all been her fault. But I am only making assumptions on this of course. It’s hard seeing a person of such stature at their lowest point, and wanting to do something. Only to be drawn away with the feeling of inadequate, even though I know that would never be true. She has been there before I can even remember; she picked me up when I fell down, and when I cried, she was there to wipe my tears. But I couldn't do anything when she shed a tear.... What’s that make me?
The moment has passed and gone, and she is up and walking around like it had never happened. Although I know, and we all know what transpired. She is back to her old self, and as strong as ever. And I love her to death even though I don't say it enough as I should.
Love You Mom
Chase
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November 20
I am sitting here in a type of trance tonight. Its currently snowing outside, which is odd. Given that it was so warm out today, and I was walking around in a T shirt... I am just Talking with friends over msn, and listening to some music. I should really be in bed, but I feel as if I were to miss something important if I were to go to bed right now.
I love listening to music in my current, Over Tired mood. Its as if the Music around me creates a vibe that I don't wish to break, as if its protecting me from something I am unaware of. It bounces off the walls off my room, making a small rumble that I can feel through my keyboard. Its amazing how a song, or just music in general can change your mood. Or put you on that right path to changing it. It may be that I am just over tired, and I can't tell. But once I started playing the "Right Music", I rose from my sleepiness and could stay awake for hours. Which I'm I won't, But I could. . . What is the right music though? It all depends on the Person, situation, or the mood of the moment. These Basic Factors are simple, and obvious. But they Justify what makes the right song, the right song.
But for now I will just here listening to my Music, and enjoy the rest of the night
I hope the world had a good weekend. Cause mine was Great! We had a little Shindig at this Crazy Red Heads house Then we proceeded to get smashed, played some cards, drank some more. Decide later that night to go tobagganing at around 4 in the morning, and I got soaking wet. Due to the fact that I didn't wear anything but my Coat and Jeans... We Didn't go to sleep till 6 and arose at 9am to the stupid loud stereo that mysteriously turned on all the sudden. And the rest of the day was devoted to the couch, just hanging out.
All in all, Its was a great weekend
Check out the Album "The Shindig", For a little peek into this weekend. I should also have some more picrtures soon from my Freinds Digital Camera
The Right Music - Ferry Corsten - L.E.F. |  |
November 17 
It’s kind of awful how some people can hold a grudge for such a long time. Its like they don't understand that people change, from what they once were. They can't seem to comprehend that certain situations can cause someone to act totally different. Some things just can't be changed, and that’s just how it is. Does nothing of what has happened before mean anything, or is that all just meaningless. Not all people, are like this. Most people aren't like this. But those occasional few, make life tedious at best.
Its worse when they try to share their distaste with the people around them. Trying to plant ideas that shouldn't be there in the first place, and are inappropriate after so much time has past. This isn't strictly to young people, but to Young and old alike. A 75 year old man can just as easily spread false ideas as the next Teenage girl or boy.
In my case, it troubles me to see such an old man. Who is supposed to be the wiser one of the two, acting so childish. toward something that happened in the past. Which in all reality wasn't that big of incident, though he would like to think so. I guess I will have to be the bigger Boy, and talk to him. But its going be hard, cause he is such Dick
Happier News
I picked up my Playstion 3 today, and its up on Ebay if you wanna bid
http://cgi.ebay.ca/Sony-Playstation-3-PS3-System-Console-60GB-Premium_W0QQitemZ260054164973QQihZ016QQcategoryZ62053QQssPageNameZWDVWQQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem
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November 16  Just sitting here contimplating weather I wanna go out to Dawson's Weekly Drinking spot on this fine Thursday Night. I feel I should go out, you know... Intereract with people. But I just wanna have a one on one talk with someone, over some drinks. Not a drunk fest, which it will most likely turn out to be tonight.
I have no idea what I wanna talk about, I just wanna talk about random things. The random things that come up when two friends start talking about one thing, which then leads to a million other things. Which then have no reference to what started the conversation in the first place. It wouldn't matter if it was a serious conversation, or just a gingerly chat about built up ideas. The Act of just talking with meaning, can be more powerful then any action. And the lasting effect can go on forever. Thats what I want once again
Well thats all I have to say at this time.. Perhaps when I return from my little outing I will add some more. On second thought I will add more once I get back. I feel like there is so much to say, but I can just seem to find the right words at the moment. Maybe with a little intoxication, I will write beautifully. |  |
November 15 
Well I had written down a paragraph of something totally different, and decided that I didn't particularly like what had happened to it. So here I am starting over with some new thoughts to add to the mix. I thought I had it all figured out, but as you get going. Things change even in the time That I wrote that paragraph.
This week has been nothing but work and Volunteer Work, and then some sleep. I don't mind the Volunteer work, its the real work that wears me down. To much of the same routine everyday, and the same people. I want to get out and meet some new people, maybe I shouldn't even be working. Go Traveling... But to go traveling you need to work to make the money to buy the ticket. Its a vicious circle, that you can't escape. And I can't wait to break away from this circle
Chatted with Tash last night, all the way from Rio De Janerio. Put me in a great mood, hearing all the stories. Just basically being able to talk to her again, puts me in a great mood. Not that my mood was in anyway bad, but it just made it that much better. Then I went to sleep around one o'clock, Woke up and I remembered I was still in Dawson.. That was kind of downer for me, plus I got called into work a little to early for my liking.
When the day starts off like that I constantly day dream. I can't help it, it just happens. Over and over again, like a partly cloudy day where the sun gets covered every couple of minutes. That may be a bad analogy, but its accurate. It isn't really day dreaming, but more of a "Zoning Out". Which could be considered the same thing, cause I have only one thing on my mind. If it wasn't for the occasional "ba ding" from my phone, from my new favorite Texter. I would probably dream/zone forever... |  |
November 09
I haven't had time to sit down and write something for quite a while. Every time is it seems, I get wonderfully distracted on to chatting with other people over MSN. Or I am just not here at home, to be able to write something. I've been waiting quite some time to sit down for a breather, but now I sit here. And I am all mixed up, on what to write. I know what I want to write, but I don't think I could accurately or rightfully put it down at the moment into words I would feel comfortable with.
Life’s complicated, and I enjoy it like that. And I make it complicated all by myself, even if there are little outside factors. What would life be like without the little, or the huge complications. I couldn't say exactly, but it would be boring as hell. And it would lose the excitement that a new day, month, or year can make. Life’s like a card game sometimes, you could risk everything. Hoping to come out alive and not to be beat by the opposing players. But the risk must be taken, because the greatest risk in life is to risk nothing. And to regret that move later on...
Its amazing how things can change so quickly. From month to month, everything has totally changed. Its been fun, and I have learned a lot of new things. Interesting things, that I didn't have any idea whatsoever that could ever happen. As it were now, its seems to have turned into a little bit of a waiting game. One that I would love to wait for, but like I said before, things change overtime. Although I sure hope they it doesn't, because I would love to see where this next turn takes me.
I would definitely write more, but thinking of the details and other little things that I haven't jotted down, are making my head spin. So I think I will stop there tonight. But I can tell that I will definitely go into more detail as the days go on.. perhaps |  |
November 05 I have finally found a second to sit down, and actually have sometime to myself. Even though I would rather have someone beside me at the moment, then being here by myself. This weekend was so much fun, and yet it was amazingly sad. Tash left for Brazil today... Still hasn't really kicked in though
Its always hard seeing someone leave, knowing they will be gone for a long time. Although some would say that a couple months isn't that long. I don't really see it that way, a couple months is fairly long time to be away. The hardest part is always saying goodbye, and not wanting to let go. Grabbing every last second as if it were never going to be there again, and holding it tightly. Until reality kicks back in and its time to walk away.
The upside of saying goodbye, is saying Hello again. Everything falls back to normal as if it had never changed at all, except for the long winded stories that seem to never quite. Of all the adventures and new experiences that each other have been through. Just seeing a forgotten face is enough to brighten pretty much anyone’s day.
That’s what’s pretty much on my mind right now.... I am kinda tired and that last paragraph is just a bunch of jumbled thoughts, but you can catch my drift.
Other then, that the weekend was amazing. We hiked are local Ski Hill, and made a run in some Fresh Powder. I love sitting at the top of that Hill, looking down on the hill onto Dawson Creek. Its so peaceful, and it clears my mind for that instant of everything going on. And all it leaves is the people around me, sitting there beside me.
On the Friday, I was at another going away party. So much fun, and I got pretty hammered I may go into more detail later this week.
Night All. I am gonna go listen to some music, and recap this weekend.
November 02
Its -10C/14F outside and there is a light snowfall. The wind is cold and whistle's right through, as if it meant to steal the heat you so desperately need. My Jeep sits outside idling waiting for the warmth to once again fill the cabin, so I can depart. But for now I will settle on writing some down.
The going away party was lots of fun, and lots of people showed up. I wasn't going to drink or get at all intoxicated, but a good friend showed up from work. He looked kind of down from a sixteen hour day at work, so I bought us a pitcher of beer. And we drank till are bellies were full, and everything seemed alright and especially funny. The rest of the night was spent driving around with my friend Tasha, and another gal named Jordan. Who, somehow beat me in Shotgun, and then reversed the rules on me so quickly I didn't have time to recover from such a devastating attack. I was down trodden, and beat...
Today the house is quite, except for the tapping of the keyboard. No ones around except for me and the cat, who isn't that concerned about anything other then the fireplace at the moment. Quite times always turn into thinking times, and thinking times always turn into "what if?" times. Which isn’t always that great, as you ponder on what could have happened if you would have done something just a little bit differently? Sometimes I wonder what people think of me, or how they view me. If they were asked to say one word that describes me best, what would they say? I am not really worried about what they would say, but its kind of interesting to see what the views of other people are. Even if they aren't that important to how it will affect you in anyway possible, but the question to looms... "What if?"
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